"The measuring and mixing always smoothed out her thinking processes - nothing was as calming as creaming butter - and when the kitchen was warm from the oven overheating and the smell of baking chocolate, she took final stock of where she'd been and where she was going. Everything was fine."
It has been 10 years since I was first told by my mother (who teaches Hospitality) that there is no such thing as a career in cooking..... I feel like I have finally found my way home - and that home is the kitchen and I am at peace when I'm baking.
I realise that she was only trying to save me from the unforgiving hours, and emotional intensity that the industry inflicts on its passionate and dedicated victims - but I know now that there is nothing else I can do - or perhaps, that I would never feel complete unless I was baking.
I have been baking "seriously" from home for only 3ish years and I'm starting this blog to document various paths I will walk (and no doubt stumble down!) in my quest to feed the souls of everyone I can, with love and flour.
My biggest challenge at this stage is money and time though. I am doing my masters in hospitality, full time and in desperate need of a job - which also presents an opportunity, one which I am terrified of taking: starting a baking apprenticeship.
I learnt long ago that when my heart starts beating and my spirit feels like it is vibrating that these were not indications to run away from what I was facing, but to run towards it. But the fear and uncertainty is driving me crazy and knowing that it is all bullshit doesn't help!
I have worked in all areas of the restaurant, done countless event (small and large), I have worked renovating homes, sewing, as a tutor, and as a tax accountant (?!?) and yet I'm scared of stepping into a commercial bakery. I'm not scared of not knowing anything - that is a total given - I guess I'm scared of stuffing up something that is so important to me. What if I go through everything and find out I'm mediocre!
Ok, I know I just make myself sound like a total knob but I believe that we were born, perfectly provided for. That we can no longer feed our soul with the energy and nutrition it deserves living in a modern world and that we focus far too much on professional development, and far too little on personal and interpersonal relationships, our garden and our family. I cook with whole foods - preferably from my garden, where I can - and I put as much love, support and energy into the food I bake when I'm making it.
It’s a little bit like having a hand dyed, hand woven quilt that your mother made, ensuring that every stitch made was done so with her thoughts on nothing but your happiness - NOTHING would be so nice to wrap yourself up in! And I guess that’s how I feel about my food.
I don't want a thankyou, I don't want acknowledgement, but I do want to change the world one mouthful at a time.
Small things DO count - If I can make every person that walks through my (metaphysical) doors a little happier by the time they leave, they will take that happiness and infect the people they come into contact with.
Coffee and service are as important to me as cooking - but I now feel as though I have rambled on enough, and if anyone has managed to make it to the end of this page (you deserve an award!!) then they certainly deserve a break from my nonsense.
So here is to the New Year, this new blog, and the excitement of possible successes and almost certain failures of what the universe decides to throw at me over the next few years!
Just so long as I don't go back to being an accountant.............
Flaxseed Loaf
No comments:
Post a Comment